Episode 13: Shame, Shoulds, and ADHD with Dylan M

Seeking Answers

In the spring of 2020, after four years of making a living running her business, Dylan knew she had a really horrible procrastination issue. She had an immense amount of shame and felt like she needed to get it together and “grow up.” What was maddening, is that Dylan knew she had it in her to work really hard. She came up with a term she called “creative resistance” to explain this procrastination issue. However, it wasn't until a friend started to share about an ADHD support group she was a part of, that Dylan started to see for the first time that she too could have ADHD. In August 2020, she found an online evaluation and received a written confirmation that she did in fact have ADHD. This was a great day where Dylan felt a release from the shame that it wasn’t just “all her” but something else was going on. Ever since she has found community in sharing vulnerably about her ADHD diagnosis.

Wrestling with the Diagnosis

In one way receiving the diagnosis was a relief from the shame and an explanation that Dylan could work with and understand. However, she explains that it is hard because some weeks she feels like she doesn't have ADHD because she feels like she is managing life. Then the week after can be really hard. If that’s the case, it feels like it must mean that she is the problem and not her ADHD. 

Dylan touches on the fact that she wishes others knew that people with ADHD are not making excuses or wearing their diagnosis as a badge of honor. It is a very real thing and it looks different for each individual that is diagnosed with it.

Shame, Shoulds, and Limiting Beliefs

Dylan discusses that our “should” thoughts only trigger shame. When this happens, shame multiplies and can get out of hand. However, reframing and shifting our verbiage and thoughts can help with this. Shoulds are distractions from the thing that is actually going to move us forward. Dylan suggests that more helpful terms that can help move us to action can be: "It would be helpful for me…I want to…I would like to..."

Feelings are like our fuel to move our vehicles and shame does not make our vehicles go. If shame isn’t getting you anywhere, what could? Feelings that can help with this are: capable, determined, accepting, and calmer…these feelings and fuels definitely take us further.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• A simple definition of ADHD is that the brain has difficulty with important functions related to memory, attention, and thinking, which is also known as an executive function deficit or disorder.

• ADHD looks different for everyone who is diagnosed with it. 

• If you resonated with Dylan’s story and think that you might also have ADHD, know that it’s a journey, you are allowed to take your time and process which steps are best for you.

• Our “should” thoughts only trigger shame and shame easily multiplies.

• Feelings are like our fuel to move our vehicles, and shame does not make our vehicles go. Other feelings that are helpful that can move our “vehicles” are: capable, determined, accepting, and calmer.

• Some mindsets that Dylan shared that can help with limiting beliefs are:
  “It doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
  “I can do anything next. I am always on the right path.”
  “Persistence over consistence”
  “15 minutes would make a difference and I have 15 minutes.”
  “I am allowed to have my feelings and feel this way.”
   

Dylan Mierzwinski (“M” for short), is an illustrator and surface designer living in the Valley of the Sun, Phoenix, Arizona. Her work has been featured with Anthropologie, Martha Stewart, Magnolia, Red Cap Cards, American greetings, and many more. A top teacher on Skillshare, Dylan is known for her warmth, ability to communicate difficult ideas clearly, and bold and retro botanical illustrations. As a self taught artist, Dylan has enthusiastically grown into her position in the art world as a creative cheerleader, sharer of helpful keyboard shortcuts, and combiner of unexpected colors. She enjoys waving at dogs, quoting Michael Scott, and encouraging people to talk about their feelings (not a joke).

Join Dylan's  fellow artist Patreon group

Dylan's Skillshare Courses (this link will give you a month for free!) 

Dylan's Quarterly Newsletter 

The ADHD podcast and person I recommend is Kristen Carder from the "I Have ADHD" Podcast, and her group "Focused"

The ADHD book I recommend is Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Dr Russell Barkley